Why is Unrequited Love So Painful?

anonymous woman walking in cold field

If you haven’t had the moment where you feel like you have been sucker-punched in the gut, had your insides twirled around like pasta made in a cheese wheel, and then pulled back out again only to be thrown on the floor because of someone you care about, then congratulations, because that is an achievement.

Unrequited love is agonizing, and what is even more irritating is that it can still feel like the world has ended, even when you know, rationally, it has not.

This piece has been created to help you understand why exactly unrequited love is so painful and offers some info on how you can move past it.

Brain Chemicals Are Having a BALL

One way to make your unrequited love sound much less romantic is by explaining the process of love in the first place. There is a good chance that when you discovered your attraction, care, and love for someone, your brain started releasing a bunch of chemicals (which you never asked for, FYI) that made you feel like you were walking on cloud 9. That is, of course, amongst all the nervous jitters, stomach butterflies, and checking your phone every 6 seconds. This is all well and good until you discover that the person you were, in fact, romanticizing every little thing about, did not see hearts float around your head whenever you did the simplest of things such as blow your nose. When you know this for a ‘fact’, your brain then has to deal with the complete loss of chemicals such as oxytocin and dopamine that made you feel so good in the first place. It’s a rough system; we give it 1/10.

Different Kinds of Pain

Not only are your ‘happy’ chemicals taken away, but there is also our deep-rooted ancestral fear of rejection which gets added into the mix. Rejection used to mean death, as if you were not accepted into or were rejected by a tribe, the likelihood of you surviving was extremely small. However, our biology has not only not caught up with the fact that we should be able to eat as much sugar as we want with no repercussions, but it also likes to make us fear for our actual lives if someone doesn’t like us back. Well, we can’t promise that sugar will be a superfood one day, but we can promise that that person you are pining over is definitely not your life, and subsequently, their rejection is not the end of it. BOY BYE*.

That being said, knowing that doesn’t take away the pain, logic never does (also lame?), so click on https://eq.irisdating.com/unrequited-love/ for some top tips on managing the feelings until they leave you alone.

*person of any or no gender

Something to Remember

The loss and grief you feel are almost certainly something that has been created in your head. It is a strange phenomenon, but humans are excellent at falling in love with the idea of a person or their potential rather than who that person actually is. When you feel grief over a potential relationship or future, it’s worth remembering that you are only mourning the idea you created for yourself, not reality. So, sit back, grab a box of tissues, and cry to Ariana Grande’s ‘Thank u Next’ album until you feel better.

Leave a Reply